Clean Jokes For Kids

Jokes For Kids

Children, as a rule, love to be silly and absolutely love to laugh. If you are looking for a way to tickle their funny bone, look no further than this great list of jokes and riddles.

You’re sure to find something to make them laugh like a pack of wild hyenas in this list!

jokes-for-kids

Animals

There is nothing that kids like to talk about more than animals. There is just something about them that kids are drawn towards. These animal based jokes are perfect for any time they feel like horsing around!

 

 


Why did the cow cross the road

To get to the udder side.


What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.


 

 

 


What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile.


What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.


 

 

 


What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!


What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop!


What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake!


What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer!

sleeping-bull-bulldozer

Nature

Of course, lots of kids love nature as well. They’re sure to think that these jokes are so funny, you’ll hardly be able to beleaf it!

How can you tell the ocean is friendly?

It waves!


When is the moon the heaviest?

When it’s full!


What do you call an attractive volcano?

Lava-ble!


Why did the leaf go to the doctor?

It was feeling green.


Why is the grass so dangerous?

It’s full of blades.

blades-grass


What kind of shorts do clouds wear?

Thunderwear!


What kind of tree can you grow in your hand?

A palm tree.


What is a tree’s least favorite month?

Sep-timber!

sep-timber


What’s the biggest moth in the world?

A mammoth.


What did the little tree say to the big tree?

Leaf me alone!


What’s the difference between weather and climate?

You can’t weather a tree, but you can climb it!


What did the tree wear to the pool party?

Swimming trunks.


Why does the sun have to go to school?

To get brighter.


How do you cut a wave in half?

You use a sea saw.

Riddles

Riddles are a marvelous way to challenge a child’s brain and are a great way to get a kid’s mind off of something difficult or boring, like a long car ride.

What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel!


When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look? Because you found it!


One night, a king and a queen went into a castle.  There was nobody in the castle, and no one came out of the castle.  In the morning, three people came out of the castle.

Who were they? A knight, the king, and the queen!

knight-king-queen-riddle


What has a face and two hands, but no arms or legs?

A clock.


What has to be broken before you can use it?

An egg.


It starts out tall, but the longer it stands, the shorter it grows.  What is it?

A candle.


What belongs to you but is used more by others?

Your name.

Jobs

From a very young age, children are drawn to all sorts of professions, whether it be a veterinarian or a truck driver. These jokes will get them to see the lighter side of the working world.

What is a waiter’s favorite sport?


Tennis, because they know how to serve.


How do sailors get their clothes clean?

They throw them overboard and they wash ashore.


How do undertakers speak?

Gravely.


How does a garbage man eat his food?

Right out of the can.

garbage-can


How do fish go into business?

They start on a small scale.


How is a judge like a teacher?

They both hand out long sentences.


Who is a person that everyone has to take his hat off too?

A barber.


What time do you have to go to the dentist?

At tooth-hurty.


Why did the clock go to the principal’s office?

For tocking too much.


Why did the king go to the dentist?

To get a new crown.

king-crown


What do you call a dentist who doesn’t like tea?

Denis.


What does the dentist of the year get?

A little plaque!

Halloween

If you are looking for some spooky fun, these jokes are sure to scare up some laughs!

What does a ghost do to stay safe in a car?

He puts on his sheet belt.


What do monsters turn on in the summer?

Their scare conditioner.


What is a scarecrows favorite fruit?

STRAWberries.


Where do baby ghosts go during the day?

Day-scare centers.

day-scare-center


What kind of roads do ghosts look for?

Dead ends.


Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no body to go with!


What do witches put in their hair?

Scare spray.


Why didn’t the scarecrow eat dinner?

He was already stuffed.


What kind of monster loves to disco?

The boogieman.


How do you get a skeleton to laugh?

Tickle his funny bone.


Why do people like vampires so much?

Because they are FANGtastic.

witch-itch


Why do witches wear name tags?

So they will know which witch is which.


How do you make a witch itch?

Take away the w.


Why is it safe to tell a mummy your secrets?

They’ll keep it under wraps.

Christmas

Christmas is a time for family, for faith, and for lots of awesome jokes. These will surely give you and your kids a reason to laugh this season.

What did the cow say on Christmas morning?

Have yourself a Mooey Christmas!


Why couldn’t the Christmas tree stand up?

It didn’t have a leg to stand on!


What goes “oh, oh, oh”?

Santa walking backwards.

santa-walking-backwards


What is green, white, and red all over?

A sunburnt elf.


What kind of rain do they have at the North Pole?

Reindeer!


What do monkeys sing at Christmas?

Jungle bells, jungle bells!


Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?

Rude-olph!


What is the most important part of the body during Christmas?

The mistleTOE!


What is Santa’s favorite kind of dance?

A HO down.


Who is Prancer’s favorite relative?

His Auntler!


Why is Santa always so happy?

He likes to live in the present!


What do you call an old snowman?

Water!

old-snowman

Food

You scream, I scream, we all scream for jokes about food! Just be careful, some of these are a real mouthful!

Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Broccoli.

Broccoli who?

Broccoli doesn’t have a last name, silly.


Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Cash.

Cash who? I knew you were a nut!


Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Figs. Figs who? Figs the doorbell, it’s broken!

Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?


Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Justin!

Justin who?

Justin time for lunch.


What do snowmen like to eat for breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!

patty-daughter


What did the burger name her daughter?

Patty.


Where does Superman love to shop?

At the supermarket!


What was the most popular candy on the Titanic?

A life saver!


What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!


What did the skeleton order for dinner?

Spare ribs.


Why do you give a sick lemon?

Lemon aid.

Music

Finally, it’s time to turn of the tunes and rock out to these musical jokes, at least once we figure out how to OPERAate the stereo!

How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!


What is the most musical part of a fish?

The scales!

fish-scales


What is a balloons least favorite kind of music?

Pop music!


Why did the singer climb a ladder?

To reach the high notes!


What is a cat’s favorite song?

Three blind mice!


What’s green and sings?

Elvis Parsley.


Why was the musician arrested?

Because she got into some treble.


What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?

The trom-BONE!


Why do hummingbirds hum?

They forgot the words!


What do you get if you cross a serpent and a trumpet?

A snake in the brass!


What was stolen from the music store?

The lute!


What rock group has four guys who can’t sing?

Mount Rushmore!


What types of songs do the planets sing?

Nep-tunes!


Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Little old lady?
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!